Sunday, October 23, 2011

This Post is Dedicated to Magnolia

      Who is magnolia, you might ask? Magnolia is one of my best-est buddies, and my cousin. She gets mad when I don't post. So there, Magnolia. I posted.
      I realize that I always talk about swim team, but that is what I spend a grundle of time doing. The workouts have become increasingly more difficult, therefore it would be logical for my brain to come up with coping mechanisms to keep it from thinking about the feeling of nearly drowning. One of the most common of these mechanisms is 'What is at the bottom of the pool today?' This is kind of horrifying, but it gives me something to do.
     Usually I only see pennies and band-aids once, but rarely there are things that I see more than once, like bobby pins. But there is one thing I have been seeing every day, and is raising in the bottom of my soul a greater and greater alarm. It is big, it is wet, and it's name is Rufus. Rufus is a hairball. He lives at the bottom of the deep end, gathering hairs from  all over the pool, and growing slowly, slowly. I believe that someday he will rise from the depths, and suck us all in. I'm  terrified. Are you?

Sunday, October 2, 2011


     So. I know I keep saying this, but I had the craziest week. I had stuff every day, and then a swimming camp. But possibly the worst part is that I had to CLEAN THE BATHROOM! I keep trying to come up with arguments about why I shouldn't have to clean it, but as I'm the only one who uses it, I suppose it is only fair that I should clean it. After scrubbing out the tub and beating back the killer hairballs on the scary yellow Formica counters, I decided to clean the toilet. It isn't a fun task, but it needs to be done. I began, and then I realized how I could make it more fun. New Age! (Now, I'm not a huge New Age person, but I do listen now and then.) I sat and listened to the passionate music, and imagined the hopes and dreams of humanity being washed down the bowl with a few shakes of Comet. That made it much more fun.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Long Week.

    Ugh. I am soooo glad that this week is over! It was long. And boring. The highlight was getting blood drawn, which I enjoyed immensely. The doctors were wondering if my thyroid was unhappy. Apparently it is. That means we can be certain my thyroid is physically happy. Mentally, not so much.
     I was going to go ice skating with a bunch of friends, but then I realized that I had caught 'The Cold'. It has been getting people for the last few weeks, and I succumbed. Bummer. In my 'Adolescent Existing' class, we have to write in a journal for a while. I made a list of viral hemorrhagic fevers that I don't have, and I felt better about my cold. But it is the weekend, and I will sleep and feel better. That's how it goes.

Sunday, September 18, 2011


   I have had a crazy, crazy, week. I think there is more chlorine in my system than iron. I hope my blood turns green. I would be OK with that. I'm on the Chateau d'If swim team. When people hear that I'm on a swim team, they automatically assume that I must be a good swimmer. If only that were true. It tuns out that you don't need to be a good swimmer to be on a team. I actually look like an asthmatic cat having a seizure that got a premature burial at sea.
    That's about what I look like. Yes, I am that white. 

      One of the highlights of the practices is when we get to use our fins. I feel like a motorboat.  But then my coach tells us to take them off, and we all go back to the drowning asthmatic cat thing.  

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

       I haven't posted in a few days. Busy week. I don't really have time to write much now. My mom wants to order nachos. No complaints. I have been becoming increasingly aware of zombies, as well as apocalypses. I am prepared. Are you?
      In other news, I seem to have managed to corrupt Microsoft Word at Chateau d'If. How did I manage that? How did I turn an innocent program into a terrible dictator? Did I pull the cruelty and the coldness to the surface? Probably. 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

What were they thinking?

     Random thought of the day. What was whoever invented the colored pencil 'Olive Green' thinking? What's up with that? It is an absolutely disgusting color. I couldn't even do it justice on MS paint. I tried. But I just can't quite reach that color that looks like it should be coming out of a dog's every orifice. But I tried. By golly I tried.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Thought Snatcher

       I was going to write something incredible today, and I had a long list of thing that I wanted to post. But then I let my guard down. The thought snatcher caught me when my defenses were weak, and feasted on my post ideas. So that is why I don't have any bad puns or awesome stories today. Tragic, isn't it?

   On a more pleasant note, I went rappelling today. I didn't wet myself. I didn't die, either. I know you were worried for a second there. I also learned that I have the upper body strength of a potato. What's that, you say? That potatoes don't have upper bodies, let alone upper body strength? Well, neither do I, apparently. I'll have to work on that.

Monday, September 5, 2011

     I was trying to think of something creative to write as my very first post. But nothing came to mind. So here's a picture of a kiwi bird instead. He's in psychological turmoil. He just doesn't know what to believe anymore.
      I suppose I should say a little bit about myself. My name is Goulash. I go to a high school that I will refer to as Chateau d'If.  When I grow up, I want to be a doctor. Or maybe one of those guys that serves popcorn at Disneyland. Whichever one pays more.